A Million Miles Away
Ever feel like you are a million miles away from your destination?
Ever feel like you’ve woken up out of the hitchhike and thought to yourself ‘where the fuck am I, what the fuck am I doing?
I learnt on many occasions that I’m seldom content with anything. In my dreams I can’t seem to settle on a lottery prize money amount for me to be comfortable, I can’t seem to settle on the size of property that I like. Sure 100 Million GBP can buy you a big house or a place in the apartment building but how about an island retreat where you can spend your days surrounded by nature?
I can’t help but feel like I need a change of scenery. Not sure if it’s Brexit and the rising animosity between the ‘native’ majority and us ‘foreigners’ or the fact that as I get older I realise the amount of time spent procrastinating and fearing the unknown could of been spent working towards finding my inner self in the outside world.
I feel lost.
It’s easy to get lost on this path called life. There’s so many distractions tugging away at your jacket, whispering inside your ear, calling and texting you, dropping mail through your letter box, inviting you to spend time with them. Distraction. Distractions. Zero action. Before you know it you’ve headed out on a tangent, riding the wind into nowhere as if you were Odysseus being blown off course by the Gods of Olympus as he made his way back to Ithaca to reside on his throne.
Could we all be Odysseus’?
Could we already know who we are subconsciously and already be in a place inside of our internal universe but the life we live on the outside is some form of mystery game where we have to find the clues and work out the riddles to get one step closer, catching up and find our future selves?
Imagine that for a second…
It must be true if you can visualise it. It must be factual if every time you close your eyes and journey inwards, you’re where you’ve always wanted to be. For some that may be chilling in the sun, empty beach, watching the horizon, mountainous terrain and rainforest behind you, paddling in the shallow waters and harvesting all the fruit and vegetables nature has to offer. I guess that’s my dream. Isolation. Solace. Freedom to think, feel and explore self.
I guess I just don’t want to leave this life having not lived up to or found my true potential. Somedays I’m certain with what I’m doing and other days I feel like I’m simply passing the time to get by. There’s all these plans and ideas inside of me but I feel as though I lack the time to finesse and execute them but the folks who do reach their potential have all the time in the world.
Am I up against a wall or is it my approach, have I been dealt an adverse hand or do I need to change my attitude?
Either way I plan on playing the long game. One day I’ll get to that desert island to relax and write books with no care for time passing by, staring up at the night sky watching the constellations pass overhead.
Nothing happens overnight, even if I do apply myself to my craft and go into overdrive, the long game always wins. Hard work often pays dividends at some point.